Wednesday, November 30, 2011

First Aid on My Heart

Patch 4.3 Undocumented Changes:
Angela Leifeld has replaced Shaina Fuller as Stormwind's First Aid Trainer.

Jarl Thelonius Benedictus,

I've had enough of your games, mister. You've been acting really funny lately, and I'm not going to let you play with my heart any longer. I'm beginning to think you're hiding things from me. I thought we had something really special, but you can't build a loving relationship without honesty.

I'm really hurt, hun. We've known each other for years, ever since you arrived in Stormwind all those years ago. I can still remember it vividly. You, a young, handsome priest rising quickly through the Church's hierarchy; me, a young nurse-in-training, studying to become a practiced medical assistant.

We locked eyes as Archbishop Faol was showing you around, and the blush that shot through your cheeks was so adorable. I thought it was cute, the way you hurriedly looked away and tried to concentrate on what Faol was saying, while still shooting me the occasional furtive glance when you thought I wasn't looking. You made it very hard for me to focus on my studies that day, that's for sure!

I was so pleased when the Cathedral of Light was finished, for as a full-time nurse, it meant I would be stationed nearby! I was hoping we could chat and get to know each other a little better. And you felt the same way! It was like fate had put us together, Jarl.

Of course, we had to keep our passion a secret. It wouldn't reflect well on the Church if it got out that the Archbishop was having a torrid romance with one of his understudies!

It wasn't easy, considering how public our respective occupations were. After all, you have been busy being Stormwind's spiritual leader, preaching the Light's doctrine and protecting Stormwind from horrible Elementals hell-bent on destroying the city. And I've been busy teaching people how to wrap scraps of linen around their cuts to stop the bleeding.

Truly, it is a thankless life we lead!

It was all worth it, though. It felt so nice just being near you every day, seeing your smiling face as you spoke to your many visitors and gave them your blessing. And I certainly enjoyed our private...sermons, when the Cathedral was quiet and we could sneak away to one of the back rooms for a few minutes. For a faithful believer of the Holy Light and an advocate of non-violence, you sure know how to use that staff of yours.

But you've been acting kinda strange lately. You've been rather distant and distracted. At first I assumed it was just stress, what with the King sending our soldiers off to war. I know how deeply you care about all of Stormwind's people, so I figured you were just having a rough time of it.

Then when you started leaving town, for "Holy missions", I couldn't help but notice that you tended to be much happier when you returned. You seemed refreshed, revitalized, with a glint in your eye and a newfound spring in your step. Whatever these missions were, they were having a very nice effect on you! I was relieved, even if I got pretty lonely whenever you were gone.

However, you've been getting these "missions" more and more frequently. I started wondering if there was something else going on here. Something you're not telling me? You seem all secretive and evasive whenever I ask you to tell me about these missions, brusquely telling me that they're "top secret" and then changing the subject. Furthermore, a few weeks ago I found little scraps of crumpled up paper in your wastebasket, with unusual names and places jotted down in your handwriting.

Jarl, are you seeing someone else?

I've been telling myself that no, I'm just being silly, but I'm really starting to think you're cheating on me. :( It's not only your mysterious absences and how uncomfortable you get when I bring them up, but you also get so restless and irritable now when you're back at the Cathedral, like you can't wait until the next time you can leave.

But last night was the last straw, Jarl. It was late at night, but I couldn't sleep because I'd been thinking about all of this. I was headed to your room to snuggle a bit when I heard you talking to someone in the antechamber - about a WOMAN!

I stood there in shock, out of sight, and heard how you were going to leave in a few days to go see some girl named Kiri. And then, to my shock, you started talking about how she was pregnant! And how you were THE FATHER! You bastard!

Who is this Kiri, Jarl? And what does she mean to you?! Are you having a secret tryst with her? Is she some elf trollop you've got secreted away somewhere, or maybe a draenei? What, am I too plain and mundane for you now? You've got to go out and check out the exotic options?

Tell me, Jarl! How could you do this to me!

You know, I thought I smelled something funny on you when you got back, the other week! It was a sweet, exotic scent, something that definitely was not normally found in the Cathedral. I noticed it right away. I even asked you about it, and you just brushed me off, joking that it was "probably the smell of dragon." You ass. A dragon, right. Well now I know the truth!

I'm terribly conflicted right now, Jarl. I went and had coffee with Jaxon today, and asked her what I should do. Part of me wants to climb a rooftop and /yell how we've been seeing each other for years, so that everyone will know what a dog you are. But Jaxon pointed out that while this would be immensely satisfying (and it would be), it would be very cruel to do to all the people who have suffered from this war and are looking to the Church for spiritual support.

Damn that Jaxon, always so practical and level-headed, even when it's not what I wanted to hear.

So I had a good cry and Jaxon cleaned me up a little, and I realized that as much as I would love to drag your name through the dirt, it wouldn't be fair to the rest of Stormwind. But you're not going to get away with this, you weasel. Oh no. Hell hath no fury!

I overheard when and where you were going to go meet up with your precious mistress, so I'm going to follow you and catch you in the act red-handed! I've already packed my things and asked Angela to fill in for me while I'm gone.

We'll see how you like it when the tables are turned! I want to see you and this Kiri tramp squirm!

Vengefully yours,

Show/Hide Letter Notes

When I read the Patch 4.3 Undocumented Changes on Wowpedia today, I was surprised to see "Angela Leifeld has replaced Shaina Fuller as Stormwind's First Aid Trainer." Now, I don't play Alliance, so I had no idea who either of these characters were. But it did strike me as very odd - why was this random, story-less (I checked) First Aid Trainer being replaced, all of a sudden?

Now, the obvious (and likely) reason is that her replacement, Angelia Leifield, is some sort of in-game tribute. As we all know, Blizzard does this quite a bit.

However, wouldn't it be much more amusing to imagine that Shaina actually had a lore reason to vanish? That she hadn't just been replaced, but had left on her own accord?

Well, what possible reason could there be for a First Aid Trainer to pack up her things and leave? Oh, she was in the Cathedral of Light? Say, isn't there someone else from the Cathedral who's ALSO gone "missing" in Patch 4.3? Oh that's right...Archbishop Benedictus, aka the Twilight Father.

The hooks were all there! His personality change, as he became more corrupted/committed to the Twilight Cult cause. His mysterious absences, as he was meeting with the cultists and receiving his orders. The suspicious Kiri, who is of course the blue dragon Kirygosa, who Benedictus imprisons in the Twilight of the Aspects novel.

If Shaina overheard Benedictus talking about how he had to go deal with Kiri, she might totally think he's not actually an undercover agent of evil, but just a horndog who's headed out to meet his mistress. Of course, there's also the fact that Kiri is PREGNANT, and what is Benedictus' title in the Twilight Cult? The Twilight Father. Oh, it was too perfect.

So there you have it. The true story behind Shaina Fuller's inexplicable and unexpected disappearance! Totes canon, yo.

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